You hire Pete Doherty to watch the music section's heroin stash, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt, two CDs off the Straight 's Top 50, and two tickets to a Live Nation club show in Vancouver within the next four weeks. Here's this week's winning whine.

Dear Payback Time: I take exception to last week's Pop Eye, where Rod Filbrandt blatantly assumes that Bruce Allen's definition of success is indistinguishable from Allen's definition of popularity. I do not remember Allen defining popularity as success, and it seems that Filbrandt merely expressed his own personal issues regarding Allen in the article, which I found neither professional nor objective. If Filbrandt wants to make a point, why would he noodle-lance the archaic Loverboy? They have nothing to do with the issue, which is one of free speech. Filbrandt has to realize that his own freedom of speech is no more valuable than Allen's, and that we are a diverse community with differing opinions. By the way, I always thought Loverboy sucked, but why did you have to put a picture of them under a headline containing the word "tasteless"? They never did anything but make some people happy.

> Todd Bearsto

Rod Filbrandt replies: Dearest Todd–Wow–I'm not sure how anyone could misconstrue the Allen quote that framed the article, but somehow you've managed to. And I have no idea where this "free speech" jazz is coming from, but if you want to take the middle-roadin' corporate rock guy's side, go for it (a phrase Bruce probably bellows regularly while high-fiving some underling's forehead). I mean, you're going to go with the Michael Bublé-foister on this one? Really? This guy doesn't get enough of a pass around here? The immigration tempest-in-a-teapot aside, when does anybody ever call Allen on his bullshit? And you know what? It's not even interesting bullshit. It's not even original bullshit. He isn't just Captain Obvious–he's a five-star freakin' general. He's like a really unfunny version of the hack standup comic who says things like, "And what about those TV commercials? Wow–do I ever hate them. Who's with me?" Except that Allen probably likes commercials. Units, baby, units.

Todd Bearsto continues the tasteless tradition of refusing to let us know which CDs he'd like. Voice your impotent rage by snail mail or e-mail payback@straight.com .

Links: "Bruce Allen: a man of the tasteless"
Bruce Allen Talent
Bruce Allen's Reality Check