Get the best of Vancouver in your inbox, every Tuesday and Thursday. Sign up for our free newsletter. 

With the Nashville Predators disposed of in, let’s admit it, crazily boring fashion, we might actually have something to get excited about in the second round. Starting with, you know, goals, as the Vancouver Canucks get ready to do battle against the Edmonton Oilers. 

Here are five thoughts as you get set for this year’s march to the cup. Bring this one home, Arturs Silovs, and you’ll never have to buy a drink in this town again. 

Round one loved by no one

Well, that sucked—the first round, that is, to the point where the NHL seemingly couldn’t wait to see it in the rearview mirror. Witness, for example, the New York Rangers and Carolina Hurricanes going into battle on Sunday afternoon when the Vegas Golden Knights and Dallas Stars still hadn’t determined who’d be advancing. There are a myriad of reasons why round one is normally considered to be the best of the four that mark the march to the Stanley Cup. While the playoffs are a marathon, the first round is a sprint, marked by anyone-can-win chaos, gloriously unhinged violence, hyper-adrenalized energy in the stands, and a city-wide buzz if you’re lucky enough to live in Canada.

Think of everything the first round has given Canucks fans alone over the years. “The Save” from Kirk McLean. Gino Odjick beating up the entire St. Louis Blues on one shift. Alex Burrows slaying the Chicago Blackhawks dragon in overtime.

This year’s first round was marked by an almost business-like approach to getting through things, the post-whistle scrums almost non-existent, on-ice-assholism a rarity (even Brad Marchand more or less behaved himself), and only six overtimes were needed in the 44 games played. Five of the eight series were over in five games or less—not exactly the kind of protracted battles that leads to blinding hate, wanton score-settling, and all-out war on the ice.

The first round is usually famous because you often get multiple fights at once, sometimes off the opening faceoff—but there was a grand total of three majors this year. 

It’s like Gary Bettman finally got his wish: an NHL that’s focussed on skill and perfectly executed Michigans, rather than unbridled gladiator-style animalism. Even the great Bob Cole would have had trouble making the endless stretches of 0-0 games exciting.

After the Boston Bruins eliminated the Toronto Maple Laffs, again, on Saturday, Sportsnet’s Hockey Night in Canada analyst Kelly Hrudey noted that, while the first round is always his favourite, it was a major letdown this year. As he often is, he was right.

King Cole

Speaking of the great Bob Cole, hockey lost one of the all-time greats when the play-by-play giant died at age 90 on April 24. His passing cast a melancholy cloud on the first round. 

Hockey Night in Canada did a first-class job of honouring the Newfoundland-born broadcaster in the days after his passing, starting with an emotional Ron McLean sharing personal stories about their friendship. Wayne Gretzky—who, when it comes to hockey, needs to bow to no one—sat down for an extended segment in which he reverentially referred to Cole as Mr. Cole, rather than Bob. 

Speaking volumes about Cole’s legacy, coverage of his death was spread out over multiple days, woven into games before puck drop and between periods. Sportsnet’s parent company Rogers Communications got it right, which was shocking considering how horribly wrong they got it a half-decade ago when the company’s suits basically ended Cole’s career before he was ready to go. Recall, if you will, one of the most iconic voices in Canadian hockey being told that he would be called for precisely zero games in the 2018 playoffs. No “Oh baby!” No “Everything is happening!!!!” No tuning into a game cold, and being able to tell exactly what was going on by the timbre of Cole’s amazing voice. 

Months later, during the offseason, Sportsnet decided that Cole’s 2018/2019 season would not only be his last, but that he would be limited to 10 games. This after, a couple of years earlier, Cole had stated, “I’ve been known as a guy who has not quit easily about anything. I hope I can keep going as long as I enjoy it. And again … as long as the fan enjoys the game.” Oh baby—you were a good one. 

Get ready to work the mute button

On the subject of A-list broadcasters, and Sportsnet blowing it... Ask 99 out of 100 Vancouverites who they want calling the Vancouver Canucks/Edmonton Oilers series, and the answer is a no-brainer: Shorty. You don’t even have to refer to him by his given name—John Shorthouse—because no one else does. We’d also be A-okay with Harnarayan Singh, for no other reason than his #BoninoBoninoBonino call on the Punjabi Hockey Night In Canada feed remains one of the greatest things this country has ever heard. 

Instead, we’re getting Chris Cuthbert, which would also be okay...except...that means we get a certain type of man who seems to be under the impression that he’s paid by the word—so get ready for his incessant gumflapping, not only between whistles but constantly over the play, the only blissful silence coming during commercial breaks. Insightful observations will consist of ramblings like, “Unnnghhh we’ve talked about energy, because if you don’t have energy to put the puck in the net, you won’t score a goal.”

If Bob Cole—or Jim Robson—was in the booth, he’d unplug Chris Cuthbert’s mic and lock him out of the booth. Oh, Shorty. It’s going to be a long and thoroughly maddening series without you, even if it’s over in four.  

https://twitter.com/TrawnaTheGreat/status/1786922040550731900

Revenge is a dish best served…

How weird to be considered the underdog in a series where you’ve got home-ice advantage. In some weird way, the Canucks can take no small amount of credit for where the Edmonton Oilers find themselves today. The season started out with Vancouver pounding the Oilers 8-4, followed by a 4-3 victory three days later.

That sparked an early slide—10 losses in the first 13 games—that saw the talent-laden Edmonton fire coach Jay Woodcroft last November. And then came the turnaround, the Oilers going a heatseeking 46-18-5 after hiring Kris Knoblauch. Edmonton finished the season with an .800 winning percentage under Knoblauch, the only team as hot down the stretch being the Nashville Predators. 

The really scary thing about the Canucks’ second-round opponent is that Edmonton has a couple of things that Nashville doesn’t, and their names are Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl. Considering Vancouver beat Edmonton in the teams’ final two meetings this year, they’re likely at the top of the list of those looking for revenge. Be afraid—very afraid. Considering the 50-plus years of screaming futility that have marked the franchise’s history, the Canucks at least know a thing or two about being the underdog.

Wanted: one flaming asshole

Draisaitl and McDavid aside, Edmonton’s other big edge is that it’s got world-class shit-disturbers Evander Kane and Corey Perry. (The latter somehow still inexplicably employed in the NHL after his uber-botched, Twitter-shitstorm stint earlier this year with the Chicago Blackhawks.). Alex Burrows, you’re going to be missed.

If clueless Kelly Sutherland gets thrown into the mix here, this is going to be one series where the Oilers can’t wait for the scrums, mostly because we can pretty much predict who’ll be parading to the box. And it won’t be the team in blue and orange.

As great as the Canucks have been this year, the one huge intangible they’re lacking is a Matthew Tkachuk-like shit disturber—and sorry, Nikita Zadorov occasionally doing the griddy after scoring doesn’t totally count. The same goes for Filip Hronek telling golf course-bound teams, “You have holidays in two days…I feel sorry for you.” This is someone’s time to shine. The likeliest candidate? Your move, Nils Höglander, but please don’t bring up you-know-who’s mom. Unless you really have to. Go Canucks.