Hey kids, shake it loose together, the bisexual borderline biopic battle is on!

Today (October 1) Paramount Pictures released the first teaser for Rocketman, starring Kingsman’s Taron Egerton as the man known to his hair transplant specialist as Reginald Dwight, but to the rest of us as ELTON JOHN.

Rocketman’s release date is set for May 31, 2019—a good few months later than Rami Malek’s turn as Freddie Mercury in the other hotly anticipated glammy mid-70s Britrock-stravaganza, Bohemian Rhapsody, opening November 2.

Meanwhile my screenplay based on the life of Mud vocalist Les Gray goes unproduced. What the fuck?