As sure as there are few things funnier than the idea of Christ on a bike, crutch, or cracker, the first days of 2024 have been interesting ones for Lil Nas X. And, fascinatingly, his trials and tribulations make one wonder how some of the greatest rebels in the history of music might have managed their careers differently if they’d had to worry about instant blowback on social media.

First, let’s get to the controversy.

On Monday, the University of West Georgia’s most famous computer science dropout released the video for his latest single, “J Christ”. And from raging Baptist homophobe Steven Anderson, to “rapper” (and former Philadelphia Gay News “Creep of the Week”) Bryson Gray, the intolerant Bible thumpers of America were not impressed.

Which explains why Lil Nas X has spent much of the past 72 hours apologizing for offending Christians who evidently can’t find anything better to be offended about. Like Kanye West’s Jesus Is King streetwear merch. Or the continued existence of Stephen Baldwin.

Lil Nas X set the table for the “J Christ” controversy weeks ago, posting video shorts designed to raise the blood pressure of those who willingly and happily abstain from pre-marital sex, the devil’s brew, and anything written by Anton LaVey. There was the TikTok video where the “Old Town Road” singer was pinned to a 24-karat gold cross that turned into a Transformers robot. And the clip where he sat there chugging wine while eating communion wafers like they were (wickedly delicious) Applewood Smoked Cheddar Pringles.

While we should have considered ourselves warned, Lil Nas X didn’t disappoint with “J Christ”, which dropped last Friday.

The video starts with a celebrity parade, where lookalikes for Taylor Swift, Barack Obama, Dolly Parton, Ed Sheeran, Oprah, and Mariah Carey ascend a white staircase to the Pearly Gates. And then things get really good, with Lil Nas X strutting out as a wingless angel in athletic socks, a halo, and a choker reading “SEX”, rapping, “Walk up in the club popping shit like it was Doublemint.”

If that’s what heaven looks like, it’s time to start going to church.

Over the economical but action-packed three minutes that follow, the proudly gay MC slides down a stripper pole to hell for a quick game of B-ball against Lucifer, morphs into an upside-down Jesus on a cross, tends to a flock of lambs with what looks suspiciously like a Ulovime 2IN1 Electric Male Masturbator Penis Enlarger, and then boards Noah’s Ark as the world floods.

The final message is that we get to start over as a race, with, evidently, Lil Nas X leading the way, singing, “Back, back, back up out the grave site/Bitch, I’m back like J Christ.”

Today the video sits at nearly 10.4 million views. And Lil Nas X is busy apologizing to the world, even though he really has nothing to apologize for other than being fucking awesome.

Wearing the world's most excellent shower cap in a video post on Monday, he started by acknowledging that “J Christ” has outraged the God-fearing among us, stating: “This is not to try to get everybody on my good side or whatnot. This is more so to clear my head about my own decisions. I know I messed up really bad this time. And I can act unbothered all I want, but it’s definitely taking a mental toll on me.”

The way that much of the outrage has been measured? That would be the fallout on our favourite dopamine dispenser: social media.

According to the analytics site Social Blade, the controversy has had a huge impact on Lil Nas X’s follower numbers. Stats suggest that the communion video on TikTok cost him 19,887 followers Instagram. When the “J Christ” video was released on Friday, 46,082 people instantly hit the “unfollow” button, followed by another 33,763 in the ensuing days.

Total number of former fans who used Instagram to show their disapproval: 146,969 and counting.

Privately, Lil Nas X—long considered a true master manipulator of social media—probably finds all this hilarious.

Publicly, he’s doing the smart thing, pleading: “I didn’t mean to mock. This wasn’t a, ‘Fuck you to you people. Fuck you to the Christians.’ It was not that. It was, ‘I’m back like Jesus.’ I’m not the first person to dress up as Jesus. I’m not the first rapper, I’m not the first artist, and I won’t be the last.”

And with that final statement, he nails it.

Lil Nas X isn’t the first musical artist to mess around with religion in the name of art. Recall Madonna’s “Like a Prayer”, shot largely in a church and filled with crosses, crying saints, and interracial sex. One minute Pepsi is sponsoring your world tour, the next it’s pulling the plug over the furor in Middle America.

Nirvana dressed up Jesus H. Christ in a ratty diaper and Santa hat for “Heart-Shaped Box”, and no one with the possible exception of David Geffen gave a shit.

Soundgarden not only tacked what looked like a Season of the Witch version of Jesus to the cross in the epically unrelenting “Jesus Christ Pose”—the grunge pioneers also kicked the video off with this bit of written scripture: “And God So Loved Soundgarden He Gave Them His Only Song”. No one grabbed the pitchforks to take to social media. Admittedly, because it hadn’t been invented yet.

Stop and think about how less interesting the world of pop music would be if artists over the years had to worry about the instant blowback on Instagram, X, Facebook, and TikTok.

Jerry Lee Lewis might have thought better about climbing into the sack with his third wife Myra Lewis Williams, who unfortunately happened to be not only his cousin, but 13 years old when the marriage certificate was signed.

Michael Jackson might have implemented the two-deep rule during all sleepovers at Neverland; R. Kelly might have thought twice about the toilet being too far to walk; and Led Zeppelin wouldn’t have gone fishing out the window of the Edgewater.

And best of all, the world might have been spared the various afternoons that led to the video titled “Chuck Berry farts on a prostitute”. Don’t Google it. You’ll never be the same.